The search continues

As a few more friends receive calls and embark on their journey into pastoral ministry, an update on my process. First, congratulations to those who are proceeding forward. To Paul who will be just outside of Nashville, to Tim who it looks like will be in OKC and to those already called somewhere, blessings to each of you.

As for me I have had phone interviews with the APNC's of Columbia, SC and Neenah, WI. Both of these positions are associate for Christian Education. I talked to Brenham, TX, but there are happenings in the life of that congregation that has slowed their process. I have sent my PIF and a sermon DVD to 2nd Nashville. Heard back from them today that they would like to set up an interview in the next couple weeks about their associate position. I have also just sent my PIF to Boise, ID. It is a solo pastorate that looks absolutely cool.

I will just have to wait and see what God has in store for me.

Just finished Harry Potter

I just finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Good book. Ties things up nicely. A couple of things I didn't see coming. Some interesting theological points. Made me think of Julie and any number of people who argued with her junior year.
Okay, i will say no more.

It's Saturday, July 21, 2007 and Death STILL SUCKS!!

I am not feeling quite so unbalanced. I spent a 12 hour day at the hospital. Today I was the chaplain. I ended up with 10 crisis calls and of those 4 deaths. Death is inevitable for everyone, but it still hurts like hell and well...sucks. What clicked for me today and yesterday (worked 2 deaths yesterday that I felt like I was talking to myself) is that no matter how much I believe the Heidleberg Catechism or Romans 8, death is still painful.

The sense of loss and grief speaks to our humanity. The realization that we are finite, even when we trust in the promise of eternal life. Henry Van Dyck wrote about death as a ship. As the ship sails from the shore and those on this side of death watch until the sail dips below the horizon, we morn the loss of a loved one. But on the other shore, there is Christ, standing with arms open saying "There she is!!"

Once again, this is about finding the tension between what seems to me initially as opposites.

But no matter...
DEATH STILL SUCKS!!

Being unbalanced

In my struggle with thanatology....death...I decided to bring it up in group supervision in CPE today. My supervisor got me out of my head and pushed me to talk about walk I feel about death. First, I hate talking about feelings. Second I hate talking about feelings about death. Fun huh? The image that started was feeling isolated, cut off, then I got to feeling like I was off balance.

We talked about a triangle on its point, but ended at feeling like I was standing on one leg waiting for the other to be kicked out from under me. I brought this image up in IPR (for you non CPE folk it is a group discussion time). I talked about feeling off balance all summer. Not only did I leave seminary where I have been for 3 years, but I moved home. And I have been somewhat transient every few weeks. On top of that, CPE is a disconcerting process that as Greg brought up, is like the first semester of theology. You kind of get your beliefs shaken and you have to figure out what is important and how things fit. On top of this is the anxiety of seeking a call and not knowing where the next step takes me.

I don't like feeling out of control and out of balance. I don't like feeling like I am going to get kicked down. But if I do get kicked down, it is a matter of getting up, dusting myself off and going again. I also need to remember that I am surrounded by lots of friends and family who are willing to help me in whatever situation I may find myself.

A while left of being unbalanced. I guess I better get used to it.

the voices...stop the voices

I was given the privilege of the pulpit at my home church this morning. My pastor had asked me to preach my senior sermon. So I changed the end and tweaked some of the wording that I had gone over with Kristin Saldine. Then this morning when I climbed into the pulpit, the voices in my head kicked in. Comments made by Jennifer and Kristin about my preaching which invaded while I was preaching. Crazy!

CPE question 3

Ahhhh, week 6. Over half done. The next question of the summer is what is my understanding of thanatology? I don't know as I can clearly define my pastoral understanding of death. I have not yet made sense of all of it yet. There are several scriptural references that run in my head as well as how death is linked to life and to hope. This one may take a while.