Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Thank you to my friends

To my friends who have known that something wasn't right in my world, I owe you huge thanks. For those who have checked in with me, taken time to talk, and who have simply allowed me to be unsettled and are a presence with me I can never thank you enough. That is one the most incredible pieces about APTS, you all are wonderful! Peace

The struggle of the semester...

Trapped….trapped in a little room with God
Psalm 139 echoes off the walls, or is it in my head?

“You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.”
I can’t run away, there is nowhere to go, you are everywhere.
My head spins as you lay your hand upon me.

Too many thoughts fill my mind,
I can’t do what you ask of me
I don’t want to do what you have asked of me
I don’t want to lead

I can’t stand this little room any longer
I don’t have the strength to keep fighting
I am tired from wrestling day in and day out
But I can’t quit,
If I could only let go
But I can’t, nor will you let me go

I read Isaiah “comfort, comfort o my people”
But I find no comfort right now
A voice cries out….
This is quoted in Luke
A voice of the one crying out in the wilderness
Is this what I am to do
Am I to be a voice crying out in the wilderness?

Monday, October 30, 2006

One in a Yellow Shirt

This sermon was preached for an elective class "Women, Voice, and Preaching" at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary. One of my friends who read it told me it was more effective when he read it aloud.
Mark 10:35-45

Who do they think they are anyway? Over talking to him and did you hear what they asked? They want to sit at his right and left hand, asking Jesus to give them the places of honor and power. Stinking Rabbi’s pets! Why do they think they are so special? They go up the mountain with Jesus and Peter and all of a sudden they think they are all that. Maybe they will get rebuked like Peter did the other day. What? No! How can Jesus listen to James and John? I don’t believe this!

Verse 41 tells us that the disciples began to be angry with James and John. But are the disciples angry? Or are they jealous and upset by the brothers as they attempt to gain favor? A chapter earlier all of the disciples had been arguing about who was the greatest and now James and John have all but declared their greatness by approaching Jesus. How often are we dragged into jealous anger? Think back to elementary school or middle school, there was always someone who was perceived as the “teacher’s pet.” Just as we perceive others are seeking favor with a teacher, the disciples make the same assumption. The indignation of the others becomes a turning point in the text from James and John to Jesus and his correction of all of the disciples.

James and John asked to sit on the right and left hand of Jesus, the right hand being the position of power and honor. They wanted to be recognized above the others. However, they didn’t know what they were really asking. Even when Jesus questions them, they don’t get it. Jesus asks if James and John “can drink the cup he drinks and can be baptized with the baptism he is baptized with.” They answer that they can, but they take these questions to mean they can share in the glory of the one Peter has called the Christ. They don’t understand that these are related to suffering and death . James and John are only concerned with sharing in rule and fame. This self-serving request is not hard for our culture to understand. We are a culture of “What’s in it for me?” It isn’t enough anymore to just keep up with the Jones’, now we have to run over them with our new Hummer that is the biggest and baddest thing on the road. It reminds me of the old bumper sticker “He who dies with the most toys wins.” The discourse between James and John and Jesus shows the misunderstanding of the disciples that is a continual theme throughout Mark’s gospel.

Jesus takes this misunderstanding of the brothers Zebedee and the anger of the disciples as an opportunity to further explain the nature of true discipleship. Jesus begins by pointing out the authorities and high officials of the day who lord their rule over the Gentiles, but it is not to be like that with the disciples. True discipleship is not about flaunting authority. Jesus goes on to tell them that if they want to be great, then they need to be a servant and if they want to be first they must be the slave of all. How does serving someone else or being a slave make one great?

Jesus says “The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve.” Putting another’s desires and needs ahead of your own, regarding another as more important, where is the power in that? By worldly standards there isn’t power to be gained in serving. This point was made abundantly clear to me as I watched the movie Jesus Camp. This documentary is about the evangelical movement and in particular a summer camp for kids. The camp is a way of indoctrination. The film chronicles the journey of three kids to this camp and their subsequent travels around the nation. One of the people they meet is Ted Haggard, president of the National Association of Evangelicals and founder and senior pastor of the 14,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He makes the comment in the movie that if the evangelicals vote, they control the polls. The movie shows a faith that is steeped in politics. Faith with a political agenda is the faith of the Pharisees and Scribes. It is the type of faith that causes Jesus to correct the disciples. So how does serving others give anyone power? In seeking to serve others, with no ulterior motives, we maintain our power. We make a choice; we use our power to lift another up, not to push ahead of them. The power that comes from serving cannot be controlled and makes those who seek worldly power uncomfortable.

We are like the disciples in Mark’s gospel, we don’t get Jesus either. The disciples have argued about who is the greatest and now James and John have asked for glory. How many Christians do you know who are Christians because it looks good to others, because it is the socially acceptable thing to do? You know, Christianity the easy way, showing up for church occasionally, trying to live a good life, being nice to people most of the time, but nothing that really pushes us. We don’t want to stand out after all. We like blending in with the crowd and being another nameless face, but is that what we are truly called to?

Dietrich Bonhoeffer speaks to this in his book The Cost of Discipleship. We like what Bonhoeffer calls “cheap grace.” It is grace that we take without ever changing. It covers our sins, but requires nothing from us. It allows us to give lip service following Christ. What Jesus calls the disciples and us to is costly grace . Grace that was purchased by his atoning death, grace that calls us to leave everything and follow, grace, that calls us to be with Jesus and requires sacrifice, grace that calls us to service of others. We, like the disciples are seeking worldly power and we don’t get the message of Jesus.

Jesus calls us to follow, and like the disciples, calls us to serve. Jesus says “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” So does this mean we are to give our lives to save others? This is not within our power to do. Christ has redeemed the world through his atoning death. He has paid the price. The priest has become the sacrifice and in doing so has won victory over death. This is only possible as the Incarnate Word, the Son of God. We are called to give our lives in service to others, to follow the one who calls us, the one the disciples followed, the one called Jesus.

We were assigned to read the Bible in dislocation, so I headed out one evening to Mozart’s, a local coffee shop, and a favorite haunt of mine for reading theology and staring at ducks, but not reading the Bible, at least not until that night. While waiting in line to order coffee, a man in a bright yellow and red Hawaiian shirt struck up a conversation with me. Nothing earth shattering, but he was the only one in a long line to talk to me. How often is this kind of action frowned upon in society? He picked up his order and disappeared. Then I saw him again, standing out against the crowd. He moved across the deck and up the stairs to help the next musician bring in equipment. Then he helped the musicians switch equipment, not because it was his job, he just did it.

By day, under the shining sun, students study, folks engaged lively conversations,
a boat engine roars as it zooms across the water.
By night, in the pale glow of lights, students study, people talk quietly,
a guitar sings out worship songs across the deck.

Coffee in hand, I take in the scene around me.
The smell of coffee and of fish
The sound of computer keys and of people talking ,
The sight of people hunched over computers or just relaxing.
The taste of chocolate and caramel to sweeten bitter coffee.
The feel of a wooden bench, the uneven wooden table top.

I read the Bible and look around again.
Students competing for grades, trying to be number one.
People absorbed in self
Except one
One in a yellow shirt
One who is unassuming, one who strikes up conversation with a stranger.

Pairs of people sitting together at a table
But conversing with the cell phone attached to their ear
People, trying to get ahead.
Except one
One in a yellow shirt
One who walks to greet the next musician, who offers to carry equipment

I read the text again. James and John want the positions of glory
The others have argued over it too and are upset with them.
They want to get ahead, like the rulers around them.
Except one,
One named Jesus
One who had come to serve, not to be served..

Jesus doesn’t reprimand James and John, but explains further
Glory and power are not his to grant.
The disciples are to be different from the world, they are to be like
The one,
One named Jesus
One who came to serve, and who gave his life to serve others.

James and John want to share in glory and power, and they make the others angry when they approach Jesus. Jesus takes the opportunity to explain the nature of discipleship to them again. The disciples are to be different from the world. Disciples are not to seek worldly power, but instead are to seek to serve the world. The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life for the ransom of many. We are the recipients of costly grace, grace that requires us to drop everything, to put others ahead of ourselves and to seek to serve like the One, the One named Jesus.

By night, in the pale glow of lights, I take in the scene around me, I read the Bible
People seeking worldly power, like James and John
Except one, One in a yellow shirt
He seeks to serve, he reminds me of the life we are called to.
To be like the One.
The one, who served, the one who gave his life for many.

Monday, October 23, 2006

What a Monday it was

Whew....Monday is done.
Today was the day we got ord results back. I passed all 4. Yippee! Several of my friends did as well. Some of my friends didn't do as well as they had hoped. Made for an intersting day on campus.

The other big hurdle of the day was preaching my sermon for "Women, Voice, and Preaching." It went very well and I got some good feedback from my classmates. I have watched my DVD - since we have to turn in a one page self analysis - and it was okay. I liked the sermon itself, but there are many questions about effective delivery that run through my mind.

It was a good Monday.
Peace.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Have you seen Jesus Camp???

Went to see the movie Jesus Camp tonight. Found it scary, disconcerting, eye-opening, and affirming.
Scary in what is going on in the world of the uber evangelicals. Endoctrination of the young which for me amounts to manipulation for the purpose of political power.
Disconcerting in that I hear the name of God raised, but I don't see it in action. It is not about taking care of the homeless, the hungry, or the naked, but the movie is about political issues.
Eye-opening in that these are salt of the earth kinds of people who are looking for leadership and safety. When one of the leaders of the evangelical movements, Ted Haggard is talking about if the evangelicals all vote they control the polls and it is a good life.
Affirming in what I am called to and where I stand on my own beliefs. Also kinda scary in what I feel I am called to and where I stand on my own beliefs.

I think all Christians should see this film and engage in discussion about it.

Peace

Thursday, October 12, 2006

FALL BREAK!!!!!

Woo Hoo! It is fall break. I am off to Louisville for a meeting for a few days, then it is time for golf, sleep, and play - probably in that order too. And a worship conference at the end of the week. Then back to mill for 6 more weeks. But at least there is a break first!!!

Peace

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Too many voices

What do you do when you have too many voices running in your head that aren't yours. I have read so many books lately that I think all of the authors voices are more prominent than my own. I hate this continuous rebuilding stuff that goes on at seminary. Just as I think I have my #*$% together, I take another class (es) that shatters that idea and I have to rebuild again.

I think this has added to the round of dreams lately about getting 1's on the ords. It is my subconscious mind acting out the terror that I feel thinking about the fact that I graduate in May and that in a year I could be ordained and serving a chruch.

YIKES!!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Outta Step

I remember when I was in the Pride of Oklahoma always being warned about not missing the step off. People would notice if you were out of step or out of line. Well, that is what I am feeling like. I feel like I am out of step. I am being pulled in a variety of directions and feel like I am doing nothing but running. I feel like several engines on the plane have quit and I have called in the mayday to get landing assistance. Hopefully, some time this weekend will help re-fire the engines.