The Next CPE question to ponder

Last week was about the question "What is your image of God?" This week, the question is "What is your biblical model for being a pastor?"

I am one of the disciples. Working hard, following Jesus, but not yet understanding what lies ahead. I am exploring the life of Peter. One who followed from the beginning, who jumps in quickly often not understanding why or what he is doing. He denies Christ, denies who he is called to be. Once reconciled to Christ however (John 21), Peter becomes one of the great leaders of the church. We see a totally different Peter in the Book of Acts than we do in the gospels.

Who is your biblical model?

What's Your Image of God?

This was a question posed to me by my CPE supervisor. She challenged me to look beyond the typical answers that I gave. She gave me "Maestro" or "quartet leader." The quartet leader image has caught my attention. Just as a quartet needs a leader, there is also an element of every one being vital to the functioning of the quartet.

Where I went with it is I become the 4th member of the quartet, the members of the Trinity being the other 3. Just as the Trinity can be thought of as engaging in a divine dance, why not in musical terms. By being brought into the quartet, I, in my totally depraved humanity, am brought into the life of the Godhead and I have agency. My part is important to the whole. In this it does not take away from the importance of any of the other 3 parts at the same time. I am still playing with this image, but I challenge everyone to take a look at their image of God.

Peace

Dealing with Death

I ended up on a crisis call today and worked a death at the hospital. It is strange how someone can be alive one second and dead the next. Reminded me of a M*A*S*H episode where Major Hoolihan remarks how it never ceases to amaze her that you are alive one minute and dead the next, no fanfare or anything. Just gone.

There are so many things that happen in the hospital after a death, that was more where I was uncomfortable than with the family although, I did have to confront my theological view of death as well as heaven and hell. One of the family members asked if I thought their mother went to heaven even if she didn't believe. As I have continued to ponder this, I end up looking to the invisible church and the fact that we don't know who is elect and who is not. I have to believe that God's love is bigger than I can even fathom and I have to hold hope that God leaves the 99 and looks for the 1, whether we want to be found or not.

Lots to process.
Peace

A few weeks in...

CPE is a tiring thing. I have found it emotionally and spiritually draining. It will be good for me to learn to set up emotional boundaries. I am struggling in part because this is new and I am still trying to learn the basics. I have much to learn, but it will not make for an easy summer.